Friday, February 26, 2016

Thanks, but. . .

A few days ago I did a blog post about my love language being words of affirmation.  This rings so true!  I want to hear this thing I just made looks or tastes.  Or how good I look, especially if I put time into getting ready.  Or how great my girls are.  Or. . .You get the idea.  I crave these compliments.

But what do I do when I get a compliment?  Like a lot of us I would say something like, "Thanks, but I totally messed up the hem right here." Or, "Thanks, but the cake looks nothing like I had imagined it would."  Or, "Thanks, but this old rag?"

How many of you have done this same thing?

I call it the Thanks, but syndrome.  I know it drove my hubby crazy!  I would tell him that he was biased or that he had to say those things because he loved me.  Here he was giving me a compliment, words of affirmation, things I craved and what did I do?  I would turn around and throw away that compliment.

It wasn't until I heard my girls doing it that I realized just how awful it sounded.  But I had no one to blame but myself.  After all they had learned it from me.  

I had to take a step back and reevaluate what I was doing.

Adding that but to the end of thanks can seem like a slap to the face or that you're telling them how stupid they are to think that.

And honestly if that's the reaction you get when you are giving a compliment why would you keep giving them compliments?

I started to make a conscious effort to say thank you and stop, not say anything else.  It was so hard and felt so awkward and fake for me.  Close friends and family have commented on how they feel better because I stopped adding but!

Am I perfect at this? Not at all.  In fact some days I revert back to my old habit of adding but. Old habits die hard!  But I am better than I was.  And hopefully just saying thank you will become the habit.

So, I'm giving everyone permission, (not like you needed my permission) to just say thank you.  No but or explanation or anything after.  Just thank you!  Who's willing to take this challenge with me?


  1. I am guilty of the same thing Marci. I will take this challenge. Thanks for the insight. What an interesting idea. I guess this is one of my love languages too.
    Well, oh did a great job with this post. It was fun to read and enlightening!' Thanks sis.

  2. Thanks sis! Good luck with the challenge.

  3. Haha - this is so funny because I just caught myself doing this today! Someone told me I looked pretty in a picture I sent him, and I replied with, "Oh, please! I have no makeup on and haven't even washed my hair!" It struck me as soon as I pressed "send" how horrible of an answer that was. I'll for sure be joining you in letting go of the "Thanks, but" syndrome.

  4. LOL! That is funny! I think we all do it. And for me, I didn't realize how much I did it until I was looking for it. Good luck on letting go of your Thanks, but" syndrome!