The second marriage trap that Brent A Barlow talks about in his book, “Twelve Traps In Today's Marriage,” is the tradition trap.
The tradition trap can manifest in two ways. The first is in thinking that your marriage has to be that way because it has always been that way. The second is thinking that your marriage needs to be like your parents, grandparents, or how it's been in the past because it has worked for them for years.
First off the roles in today's marriage has changed from how it has been in the past. More households today have to have both spouses work to make ends meet in today's economy.
Fortunately since we have had kids I have been able to stay home and raise them while my husband goes to work to support us. I have done jobs from home, like direct marketing, babysitting, etsy, etc so even when I am home I am also working. I also homeschool our daughters which is a job all in itself. And as my girls get older and more involved in things the less of our school actually takes place at home!
In the past housework was primarily done by women but we see an increase of husbands stepping in and helping with the housework. Just this week while I was at a rehearsal for one of my daughters' play practices my husband was at home doing the dishes so I wouldn't have to worry about them later.
What changes can you make in your marriage to make it work for you without getting stuck in the same rut that isn't working for you.
Wishing and hoping for a better marriage is good because you realize that changes need to be made. But you can't just wish and hope you need to work to make those changes.
It is a huge myth that your marriage will like cheese or wine and get better with age! You will not suddenly wake up one day and find that it has improved with no effort form you and your spouse.
If you are sitting there going yeah my spouse needs to change so much but you don't know how to approach them about the changes that you feel need o be made let me help you out about how to approach them.
When you come to them and start the conversation about things that need to be changed don't have a huge list start with the things that are needing to be changed. Start with just a couple.
It might be a good idea to start with things that aren't huge so you as a couple will feel empowered that you can make these changes when you see these smaller changes being made.
When you have your list of things that you would like to see changed, make sure you have some stuff on there that you need to change as well and not just things that your spouse needs to change.
Lastly keep in mind when you are changing things things usually get worse before they get better. But if you can stick with it you can have the marriage you have always dreamed of!
No comments:
Post a Comment